With everything settled down, a month pass. I decided to make everything we gone through in a post because it will be a very long post indeed. I had no where to express my feeling, my sorrow, i keep think of ways to make sure i can keep you forever in my heart. Tears is rolling down my cheeks once again, but I need to share my love for you my lovely sister.
In my memories, we stay apart and we grew up in different families. Although that happened but we still meet each other and play together. I remember every weekend going back and play with you all. The first thing when I'm back I will always ask mama for a tonic drink with salt, how cheeky I am. We play a lot of games together.
Masak - masak, when we are playing together we tend to cook grasshopper, leaves and the plants behind the kopitiam. Once we were get caught by grandfather, we all hide. I hide in mama cupboard, you guys hide at your room cupboard. How funny is that when i recalled back. Do you remember games we used to play in your room? You guys have a bunk bed, when we didn't climb up the bunk bed using the provided ladder. We climb up with the bolster, three of us, me you and didi sister. All of those memories are still fresh in my mind. You ride motorcycle and bring us long gai. Once we even decided to purposely pass people house and steal rambutan while we were on the motorcycle. And even we were chased by turkey and dogs on motorcycle. That was really scary. You even ride bicycle together with me and teach me how to ride bicycle. We play at basketball court, we go and climb the sand mountain. I remember polo-san where we are not allowed to go but still all of us go sneakily and climb the mountain. When we are home, we get caught again and get scolded, of course i didn't get scold that much, I am the youngest. We play at grandmother house, cousin house. Later on everyone grew up. You went out to work when you are 17 while I am just 9. That time was when I learned to meet new friend at kampung and play with them. After you went to JB, slowly every other siblings went to JB. No one play with me anymore in the house just left cousin brothers to play with.
In my memories, you never bully me, you just love me as always. I am not sure if you bully me and i din't realise it. All I remember every year my birthday we will celebrate together. How come I can't remember that i celebrate your birthday with you or not? I miss out a lot with you. When i flipped back the old photos, I see you hugging me at Taman Buaya at Melaka, I was still baby and even at Genting, Penang, and Kuala Woh, my favourite picnic waterfall.
Time passed, moreover we are further apart, our relation still not awkward at all. We still meet during Chinese New Year and every year you still help me to rebond my hair, get me new hair cut, and I always like whatever you did to my hair. When I am 15, that was the first time I went to JB and stayed with sister. We went shopping together, I accompanying at work together. That was when I decided to go JB at least once a year to spend time with you guys.
Next, I started my college life and you are getting married that very year. I am very happy for you getting married. I went to JB once again and that was the very first time I am on bus to JB when i just started my class for a week. Indeed a very adventurous journey when I am back to KL. I will not forget how worried I am alone get off from the wrong place. Seriously, scary at the same time involving police at the last minutes haha.
I am glad I still have this video.
Time keep flying, 16 September 2010 you give birth to a cute mid autumn festival boy, my very first nephew. I love him more than I can say. He grew up a lot now.
The day where he replace you for my graduation ceremony
All i could say, we shared a lot of memories together. I miss them a lot, we go steamboat dinner, we go Korean dinner,
you bring me to Lavender and have our lunch, when that was the first time I fall in love with the bread store.
We went to eat 'mat dou lou' we get lost in JB, when GPS not working. 4 of us went shopping together, when we discovered lizard at the car back storage 3 of us not dare to catch it and step back. You even ask your son catch it. So funny that I couldn't forget it. Memories will be there forever.
You took this without our knowledge. From your point of view, we are your little sisters that you love.
There are a lot to say, I would let pictures do the talking and reminisce our memories.
China Trip, 2012
How time flies, we ate Peking duck, we slept at 4 star hotel, we eat stinky tofu, we experienced sand storm, we get McD delivery, you bathe at the transparent bath tub, we explored Beijing.
Taiwan, 2014
We went to Taiwan together, we enjoyed private yacht, we climbed up Alishan viewing the failed sunshine, we ate the oyster from Kenting night market at the home stay balcony, you scolded your son badly, we paid and went into the someone Museum, you said: If the trip is not about exploring what the point of sitting on the car for the whole time. We slept in the car because we are too tired neglected the told train station at Taiwan.
After your incidence, i try to search for a video of you so that i could see you alive again. I am blessed I do have a video of you. Although it is just a short one, I could see you move, smile and listen to your voice again.
On the mid July, 2014 you came to Kl, you said you want to try something new to help increase your income. I bring you to Kenanga wholesale city, we went for spicy steamboat and get drinks. That was the very first time, only both of us drinking alcohol together and you open up everything that haunts you for a very long time. I couldn't believe that was the first time and the last time. we had 5 hours of conversation that night, 17 July 2014. We drank, you drunk, we steal cousin whisky and drink it plain. You told me how you struggle to get your Hair Saloon opened, your husband and your friend helped you. You couldn't let go of the job even though it is losing profit. I understand that very much. It is just same as how passionate I am in chasing my dream. A lot of people doesn't understand the meaning behind passionate about their dream. I am glad you left without giving up.
Your first whole Hair Saloon is your baby I believe. If I am able to had my own baby company, I wouldn't let go just like you.
You planned to earn side income, you said you now have had part time job, I didn't ask much bout that because I respect your choice. You even say you need to earn more money to let baba retire earlier. You planned to work illegally in other countries, but your husband disagree, you argued, you feel sad. You said at one point if you couldn't think of solution, you will just left. I will always support your decision I said, I even suggest why not both of you illegally work and earn money. You wanted to get your own house since you get marry, you showed me the house you like, you said just a simple small single story is enough. You wanted to stay with your lovely family. Your JB house will just pass it to brother when you get your house next time. I don't believe the conversation goes on and I understand now that you want to tell me something. It hints me, that you are leaving us behind.
I always wanted to help you, but I am just helpless. I said when I success I will help you no matter what. That deep conversation is so memorable that I couldn't accept that was the first and last for us. You worried bout me, my little company Tiki Art, you ask how many students I have now. You try to morally support me.
Before flying to UK, luckily we went for a trip together at Desaru Lotus Resort. That was the very last time with you.
2015, 9th of February, Sunday. I went to shopping and release stress that very day before continuing my assignment. That night I was surprised when i received call from didi sister. I coudn't believe the first call telling me the news that you pass away. I remember it until now.
二姐：美，啊姐 死了啊！大家姐死了啊！
Unable to confirm what happened, I was so blur, i was thinking if that is real? In my mind i kept thinking you had some sort of chronic decease that we all don't realize.
二姐：美，大家姐真的死了。车祸死了。
I asked why???!!!!!!!!
Why that will happened? I search for air ticket straight away. I told sister to wait for me.
The whole journey was so hard to continue, before going on board, after touching down Malaysia, and the very moment I stepped on your funeral.
I prepared myself for the whole journey going back Malaysia, but the moment I get down from the car and I saw you there, I became weak. I doesn't even want to go to the coffin and see you at first because I doesn't want to accept the fact! I wish it wasn't real at all. Everything is still fresh in my mind. The funeral ceremony start and it is so hard to hold back my tears when brothers and sister keep crying. I am considered lucky because I am talk to you that day, that midnight as if you get all my message. The next day, I didn't know if you really back to the house, I hope it is real. Now a month past, your birthday next month, I promise when I 'm back next time, I will go and pray you together with your children. I want to spend sometimes with them as if you are there with me.
Thank you for being my sister, my hair dresser in my life. I will kept everything you gave me last time, your Levi's shoes, hair shampoo, necklace, phone and a lot more as a memory of us. I will not forget you, every moment spent with you until the very last day. I love you.
I wish to bring you all around the world with my heart and I will look after your family whenever I am capable.
大姐！我爱你！你永远都在我的心里！
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